Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
