Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
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