i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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