Got a toothbrush?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
