dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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