it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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