I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
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The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
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After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
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