i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
