ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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