omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize