we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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