the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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