I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
