Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
