Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize