i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
