she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
