Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
