im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
