I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i want to swaddle you in tequila
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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