Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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