Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
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How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
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You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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