Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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