he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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