My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize