TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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