1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
