ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
