i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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