weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
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Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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