Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
