I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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