I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
