i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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