We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
