dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
