no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
