I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
