And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
