I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
