my sisters under your porch take her home
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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