Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
