in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
