She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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