the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
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Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
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I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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