From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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