I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
