I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
