You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Randomize
