maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
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noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
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That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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