yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
