The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
