Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
