i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
