She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
