And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
