i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize