Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
