i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
