I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
