the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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