I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
