How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
